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Secret Songs of the Passive-Aggressive:

Part 5, "one of your number"

So, am I one of you?
  Of course not.  Call me
  Guest, call me interloper,
  Youngster would be best.
    That's my name to

  I sit at your knees,
  Yours, then yours, then yours.
  Flood me with your tears
    And I will remain

So, am I one of you?
  Well, of course I am.
  You laugh when I make
  That face, like so,
    You shut up when
    I cry.

  You pretend not to notice
  When I stammer.  You wait.
  You see me so damn well,
    And sometimes even
    Show me.

So, am I one of you?
  Not on your life.
  You pay so much heed
  To the latest emergency,
    Long enough to tucker
    You out.

  Then back to your catnap
  Swimming with ineffables,
  Waiting for the next kill
    You can fail to

So, am I one of you?
  I'd damn well better be,
  After all the time and
  Sweat I've expended
    Pulling this old rope
    With you.

  Don't you dare call attention
  To my well-acknowledged flaws
  Or to the ways I pull
    At right angles to
    Our joy.

So, am I one of you?
  Where would I fall to
  If I was to let go
  And say yes, I belong?
    Would I need to start

  What would your faces relax
  Into, what would you become
  If I was to accept you?
    The best chair is just
    For guests.

So, are you one of us?

-skyler, December 1999